Judging...

So who have you judged?Have you been judged? Where are you and where have you been? It is amazing how many times you can judge and not even think about it. Outward appearances, assumptions, miscommunications. They are all judgments. So who did I judge today? Myself? I think that we do that as well not only others but ourself. But the Lord sees our heart. What is true to the core. That is so true. I can say I love you to someone, but the lord knows when I truly love someone. Only he knows your heart. It is so cool I just thought of that. You can hide how you truly feel from everyone around you, but you cannot hide it from God. If something bothers you he knows and hears it. That is a wonderful thing to truly know you are never alone. I was just thinking about the past in my life, and that is the one thing that perservered me through it all. I always had God. On my saddest day when I was crying and crying to God he was there listening. I am no longer in that place, because God brought me from there. He heard my prayer and knew what I needed and delivered me from such a sad place. Now I stand here and say what can I do for you? I have to be willing to let the Lord use me. I have to let go of the judgements people pass on me and know that as long as God sees my heart and knows me truly I am ok. That is comforting to me. I think I will have Christina read that in the morning because she had people judging her based on her beautiful thin figure that God blessed her with. It was rude and I cannot allow for her to be ashamed of soemthing so prescous as she is. That was a profound revelation for me tonight. I am nodding off though and I should go to beeddy byes. gnite all. God Bless.

Amazing

I must say I have truly enjoyed this weeks reading. It is so amazing to me how one passage can contain so much meaning. I have just sat here in an apifinatic (is that a word) revelation. The first thing that hit me was am I valuable. This was the other day late at night when I read this. I thought to myself why am I valuable and I've been contemplating that for a couple days. Now today started off with the correct mind set.. do dishes get kids to school go get Caleb (my oldest son) 's trumpet send Chris's package to him. I was on the right track. I got all of the kids off to school, then I proceeded to put Lydia down for her napper and had some breakfast. Once I got the packages put together I realized that I was not going to be able to get Caleb's trumpet to him in time for band so I called the school to have them let Caleb know. I felt so terrible like a bad mother for him not having it again. I thought well at least I can have it waiting for him. So once lydia awoke I set out to get my diaper bag ready and load up the packages. I look outside and I am blocked in. I do believe I said out loud WHAT? Yep they are working on my road and neglected to tell me that guess what You Suzanne Nealis are not going ANYWHERE. Ok ok I see how it is. So where is my point in this. My valuableness(new word I claim it) Well Chris needs his package. I am the one facilitating that package. So how is the Lord using me here. I send Chris a package with menial things that make him happy, and his heart is full of the love That I give which is in turn God's love truly God loves us through each other. And caleb needs his trumpet and the lord has given me the means to make that happen. Now where though where does the need for me to be here come into place? I am not totally sure. Maybe the Lord saw my need for rest and to do nothing. I did do laundry but my valuability to myself. If I do not value myself enough to sit down and take a break then how can the Lord use me to help others? So I see this revelation there. Does that all make sense? Ok so the next revelation(I'm quite sure I'm not spelling that right lol) Quarrelling with God. Oh Yes yes I sure do. But I was not aware that I did. How many times do I deny my music. How many. I was sitting in the car one day singing I dont know much aaron nevill linda rondstat and the ppl next to me say you should be singing for God. Do I do that no. I say thankyou roll on my merry way and im out. peace. Now here I have an opportunity to not argue. I didnt either this is prior to reading day three. Leslie says to me I hear you can sing. You will sing with me then wont you. I said yes yes I will. Inside I'm screaming NOOOOOOOOO I WONTTTTTTTTTT. But yes I will. So I went home and sent her samples of me singing karaoke. I record myself singing when I have nothing better to do. So I argue with God all of the time. For years I said I will not leave the house I will NOT make friends I will not eat green eggs and ham. I do not like them sam I am. My skinny self I complain about that my breasteses I could name like ten million points that I argue with God over. Oh how bout forgiving people. WHY DO YOU WANT ME TO FORGIVE. That one is a big one. He says you will stay and perservere. And I do but I do it kicking and screaming. So maybe I should shut up. Just shut up and do what your told. Accept it love it live it. God is good he drives well. No tickets no negative marks. Just do what your told. Let him carry you. So that is me in my rambling randomness of thoughts.
What better way to fall asleep then praying to the Lord to help people. It is like a much needed bath in lavendar. I love God because he opens my eyes and even without my glasses I can see. God is good.

Valuable

So what does make me valuable. That is a question I do not ask myself often. What does make me valuable? What should make me valuable. I had never really considered the fact, does my hair, my makeup, my clothing and unique hippy intake make me valuable? Not at all even if I was stark naked my inner self would still be there. It would be cold, but it would be there. So that being said what does make me valuable. Is it my mothering nature? My ability to reach out to others? How I handle situations? My innate faith. Blind faith? I find a need to ask my friends what they think makes me valuable. What makes me valuable to God. What works can I do to help others come to him? Who can I guide in his direction? Does he want me to sing is that a value? Leslie called me yesterday to do a call out. We lost a soldier in 2/22 and mentioned that I should sing with her. So I sent her a sample of my karaoke. I hope that made her smile this morning. That was a hard call out for me. One of my ladies cried and that is so hard to hear. There is nothing you can do or say to make that easier to hear. It makes you feel vunerable and that is a scary place to be. There is no control over where an IED will be and who will run over it. All I can do is pray that the Lord moves Chris away from those IEDs and keeps his hand over him. It is a trust that makes this less daunting. You leave it in God's hands. What more can you do. That is where healers and those of strong faith. God calls you to pray, he wants you to come to him for other people. Pray for you enemies because they do not pray for themselves. They cannot hear God nor can they see him. You pray for them because God wants all to come to him. That is why he calls you to pray. You pray in masses to invoke the Holy Spirit. The Holy spirit is strong. Speak out loud so that the evil can hear you invoke such strength in prayer. Call Angels to protect and thwart evil away from our loved ones. Do you hear God call you to prayer? I think that is what that means at least for me. I am excited to read day 2. I felt very inspired to consider how I view things in life. I was up til two contemplating. Slept til 8 because Lydia is a beautiful little soul who wanted me to rest:) Life is good God is good.